The Power of Words: Five Ways to Express and Cultivate Positive Emotions
By Diane Berenbaum
Many of us aren’t truly aware of the power of words. Why else are so many hurtful words being shared in the media and in our workplaces today? Words have the power to bring out the best or the worst in us. They can lift up, or tear down; empower or disempower…it’s always our choice.
As the English writer, Dorothy Nevill, once said: “The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. “
So why do we find it so difficult to refrain from saying words that may harm others? How hard do we try to control what we say? Do we lack self-discipline or self- awareness? When we give “a piece of our mind” to another driver in rush hour traffic, do we regret it?
Words matter. According to Andrew Newberg, M.D., a neuroscientist at Thomas Jefferson University and Mark Robert Waldman, a communications expert, “a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress”. In their book, Words Can Change Your Brain, they state that “using the right words can transform our reality,”
The Impact of Negative Words and Thoughts
Just one negative word can increase the activity in your amygdala (the fear center of the brain). Plus, if we keep repeating negative words and thoughts, stress hormones take over. They wreak havoc on our minds, which explains why we feel anxious when exposed to too much negativity. And, in turn, our brain doesn’t function as well. Newberg and Waldman noted that, “Angry words send alarm messages through the brain, and they partially shut down the logic and reasoning centers located in the frontal lobes”.
The Impact of Positive Emotions
However, when you feel joy, appreciation, respect, or love, your body releases endorphins--"feel-good" chemicals. They interact with the receptors in your brain and trigger a positive feeling in the body. University of Michigan scientists say that positive emotions (e.g., joy, interest, and contentment) “broaden an individual’s momentary thought-action repertoire, which in turn can build that individual’s enduring personal resources.”
In other words, positive emotions help remove the effect of negative emotions in the body
. Scientists believe that they trigger cellular changes that
improve our normal functions. Barbara Fredrickson, a positive psychology researcher at the University of North Carolina,
published a landmark paper that found positive emotions :
· broaden your sense of possibility and open your mind to more options
· enhance your ability to build skills and develop resources for use later in life
Change your Words to Change your World
Words shape other people’s opinions of you, as well as how you feel personally. Yet, sometimes we just blurt them out without a lot of thought. Most people don’t realize the impact on others’ perception of you, and their belief or trust in you.
Also, if we keep repeating negative words and thoughts, our stress hormones take over. That’s why we feel anxious, depressed or depleted when exposed to too much negativity. Using too many negative words may not only hurt our relationships, but they can also change our brains, in a potentially detrimental way.
However, if we become more mindful of what we say, we can rewire our brains in a positive way. Uplifting words can literally change pathways in our brains; they boost our cognitive reasoning and improve the functioning of areas in our frontal lobes. They can give you the energy to take on more responsibilities, and more control over your decisions.
So, take control and commit to cultivating and expressing positive emotions. Here’ how:
Five Ways to Cultivate and Express Positive Emotions
1. Don’t Suppress your Emotions
Observe them and their impact objectively; and stay aware of them. Just don’t let them take over your thoughts or emotions, and in the process, drain your energy. And, avoid blaming or judging yourself in the process. According to Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD, our first reaction to an uncomfortable feeling such as sadness, fear or shame is to reject it.
However, when we suppress our emotions, we may make things worse for ourselves. Often emotions arise because they give us helpful information. So, sometimes getting rid of or pushing away emotions is not the healthiest option.
2. Choose to Hold a Positive View of Yourself and Others
A positive view of yourself will help you see the best in yourself and others; whereas a negative self-image may lead you to suspicion and doubt. Research also shows that the structure of your thalamus can change in response to your positive, conscious words, thoughts, and feelings. A positive view helps you see the good in others, whereas a negative self-image may lead you toward suspicion and doubt.
3. Take Responsibility for your Words and their Impact
Do you take responsibility for your words and actions? Or, do you blame others for the consequences? It’s up to us to ensure we are communicating clearly and concisely, and with the audience in mind. Grant Cordonne, author and public speaker, once said, “The moment you assign responsibility to another human being is the same moment that you resolve never to be in control of your life.”
We are all misinterpreted at times. But we can never blame others for taking our words in a way other than what we meant. It is up to us to communicate clearly and unambiguously.
4. Quiet the Mind to Ease Frustration and Stimulate Thinking
Our minds are often so filled with random thoughts, questions and ideas that we can’t always see what’s truly important. So stop; take a moment and quiet your mind. Then, take five deep breaths in and out, and see if you can work up to even more (10 – 30 breaths of “focused openness”). You’ll soon feel the difference and think more clearly.
5. Be More Accepting of your Emotions
According to Dr. Salters-Pedneault, It is not easy to accept our emotions, mostly because:
· Our instincts tell us to avoid them
· They don’t always feel very good!
But, we have emotions for a reason. Not only do they help us determine what to avoid, but they also help us sustain healthy relationships and make better decisions. So, accept them! You’ll feel a whole lot better when you do.
Consider this Challenge:
What can you do to today to lift your associates’ spirits?
What is something positive and encouraging you could say; what words will you use choose to lift their spirits?
And…while you’re at it, what will you say to your spouse, significant other, best friend or perhaps your children today? Will your words build them up or chip away at their confidence and/or belief in themselves?
Perhaps most importantly, what will you say to yourself? What words will you choose to encourage instead of discourage, and build up rather than put down.
Those words matter...and so do you.
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